Thoughts of an Introvert

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I’m not sure how to label myself at this point of my life. I’ve been the anti-social weirdo the majority of my existence, I’m not sure who to credit or blame for it but it’s just me. Being an introvert is my comfort zone, going to social events gave me anxiety. How many times did you hear someone says those exact words ? I’ve avoided going to weddings, gatherings, even funerals because I can’t handle it. I’ve mentioned it few times, I really can’t handle people for long time. I have my limit, I’ll pretend I have something to do when I reach my quota of “Social-ness”. I’m completely fine with being alone, it’s been part of my personality as long as I remember.

When I got married, I realized I’ll be living with my in laws and that terrified me because I don’t know if they’ll be fine with my personality. For the four years I’ve been living with them, I’ve struggled to fit in. I want to be accepted but it’s really hard doing that when my personality doesn’t really match their’s, it’s sad though because they don’t want to hang out with me or ask me to go out with them. I’m still fine with it, it didn’t really effect me. Is it bad that I’m okay not having any personal relationship with my in laws ? I just have small talks and co-exist in the same house.

Recently, I’ve been trying to better myself, try to be more positive and try to be more social. It’s been great honestly, I’ve discovered new sides of me. I was actually bonding with them which is something I didn’t think I was capable of, I’m not sure if I would consider it a happy period of time because it didn’t last that long. A conflict came up recently and the outcome of it was obviously a defeated shadow of the temporary me. It really blew up on my face and I lost that motive to even try again, I realized after this that I’m only trying to fit in. Forcing myself to fit in would be the right term.

I’m an introvert even if I try to get out from this bubble. I’m more comfortable in that bubble. I’m me in that bubble. I don’t expect anyone to understand it but I always hope of acceptance.

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I Bought Stuff on Didddle for Free … ?

Update:

– Didddle.com has been shut down
– Didddlefashion.com is active with the same layout


I love online shopping, who wouldn’t enjoy shopping from the comfort of their home not having to take rounds just to find a parking space. You can find products not actually sold in your country and get them directly to your door easily (on some occasions). I’ve been shopping online for awhile to know what would a reliable website look like and I came across a certain website through a tweet I saw on twitter that day which looks like this.

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I’ve seen this tweet circulate a lot recently and I haven’t seen a single website talk about this. So I had to go to check this website out and how exactly things are sold for free, and here’s what I found out.

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It’s 100% a scam and I don’t know why no one really called them out yet because I was searching about it and nothing comes up related to it, if you search this website through Scam Advisor it’ll show that it’s somewhat safe. I went on and tried the website anyway because I wanted to get to the bottom of this, and on the front page it looks like a legit Shopify website that sells high quality products. On the bottom of the front page, it doesn’t really have the usual things you see normally in shopping websites, for example check boohoo website.

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and here’s Didddle.

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There’s no way to contact them, there’s no About us page, there’s no information whatsoever about this website. This is one of the red flags you get when you want to go online shopping and also the website doesn’t really offer PayPal payment, they instantly ask you for your card information. I went on with this website and decided to see how far it’ll go in making you buy stuff from the website and I chose 3 items and it only asked me to pay for shipping just like the tweet I mentioned in the beginning stated.

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It took from my card the shipping amount and they sent me an email that the order is confirmed but what caught my attention was the last part of the email.

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The contact email is on Yahoo, not even from the main website domain which is definitely sketchy. I tried sending emails to it and of course I didn’t get any response, it’s been two weeks already and I don’t think I’ll ever get those items or get a reply back.

If it’s too good to be true, it probably is.

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Living by Numbers

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I work in the IT department so I got asked for help by employees, over things that deserve my attention or sometimes I would view it as ridiculous favors. This is one of the times that I got asked for help by a lady who made my eyes roll into their own orbits. She came to me asking for help regarding Twitter, it’s not exactly in my job description to help employees with their own personal accounts but I said I’ll listen to her till the end. So she has a private account and gets following requests, she accepts EVERYONE and then proceeds to follow EVERYONE. Does that make sense ? For me it honestly doesn’t.

Twitter have set a limit for following accounts which is 5000 and this lovely smart lady keeps getting an error that she cannot follow anyone anymore because she reached the limit and she’s asking my help. There’s a fine line between idiocy and ignorance, and I feel like stating the obvious in her condition but I won’t because I’m trying so hard to nice and I’m going to say she’s just ignorant. I felt like I want to give her a lecture about this but I’ll sum it up here in a more detailed way, how I view social media and how we are living by numbers.

Do you genuinely care about those 5000 people or accounts that you have the time to read every tweet they post ? Do they post interesting content that you feel the need to follow over 5000 accounts ? I think you just want more followers because those numbers excite you and having a private account makes people curious about your account and how you gained over 17k followers while having a private account. Do you personally know every person you follow ? Did you at least have a brief conversation with that person so you would easily press the follow button or was it blindly follow for follow mechanism ?

It just baffles me that she replied after all what I said “Don’t you feel that you have to follow a person after that person had the time to follow you ?” No, I don’t feel that I’m obliged to. What if that person posts things that would upset me, maybe inappropriate content. You’re not really forced to follow anyone who follow you, I wouldn’t get upset if I follow someone and that person didn’t follow me back it just common sense to me.

This incident got me thinking how social media made us care a bit too much about numbers next to our names or handles, how much traffic I can get for my blog and how many people that follow me on social media such as Instagram and Twitter, how many likes I could get from posting photos. I get that people can make a living out of that but sometimes it gets out of control and reality isn’t about likes, followers and replies. I’d love to know your view on this matter and what do you think about this situation.

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Venting

It’s been a while since I ranted on my blog, I kinda consider it therapeutic since I’m outlining whatever in my mind. I know I’ve been disappearing from my blog lately and I promise I’ll post an explanation for that in the upcoming posts, but anyway tell me how you been ?

In the past year I’ve been frustrated and bottling this up, I just had to write it here and I really want to know what you think about it. Before I got married, I had a really petite body. To be honest you can clearly see my bones sticking out so it wasn’t that model-like sexy body, I looked really unhealthy and some people thought I had an eating disorder. I weighed around 35kg by the time I entered college, I get sick easily and I remember getting pain on my ankles from time to time which turned out because of calcium deficiency. Back then I didn’t think it was a big deal and people got used to seeing me like this.

After I got married and then getting pregnant, obviously I’ve gained weight throughout my pregnancy and after birth I managed to return my body to a better state and my weight was around 55kg which is according to my IBM rate perfect weight for my height. I looked better and more healthy, at least my bones weren’t showing and I won’t say I had a flat stomach looking all perfect but I was normal and better than my old skinny figure.

Family members and coworkers didn’t see this as a good change, and I’ve been hearing a lot of comments that basically says “You’re fat now” or asking “are you pregnant?”. I heard these words so many times it began to effect me, obviously it hurts hearing those words. I may not look like I was before but compared to my past self, I am much healthier and that what mostly mattered to me. I don’t know if that’s just society standards of how a female should look and if she changed all the sudden she’s considered fat, maybe she’s comfortable in her own skin but you’re labeling her because of her body shape changing?

I’ve been frustrated regarding this so much, it began irritating me how people I have conversations with all sudden inserting this remark within context. I don’t really appreciate it and it honestly made me less social than before. I don’t know if I’m being too sensitive over something silly, I just wanted to vent this out and wanted to know what do you think about this.

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Types of People I Hate During Ramadan

I feel like venting out, it’s been a while since I did something like this. Ramadan is a month when we Muslims fast (no drinks no food) during daylight hours till sunset, also it’s a time to purify the soul and be closer to god basically but some people just irritates me during this holy month. I already wrote about type of girls in Ramadan last year so this one is a bit more broad and rant-y.

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  • The Shopping Loop. I get it, you want to cook something nice for your family but buying that much of food isn’t exactly the right way to do it. I get surprised seeing some people dragging three shopping carts filled with food, I don’t really agree with focusing on your hunger during this month.
  • The Show and Tell. I think I mentioned this before in last year’s post but I seriously get irritated from these people and I’ve seen this recently where some girls Snapchat colored Qura’an that looks “cute” for the pictures. Basically showing “see I read Qura’an and it looks cute” seriously … why ?
  • The Fast and The Furious. I don’t know why people drive insanely during Ramadan, not only insanely but get seriously mad and upset super fast. We are all stuck in traffic, we are all tired so please shut up and continue pretending that are not texting while driving.
  • The Annoying Saint. Now these people show they are religious and saints but they love to annoy you by repeating the question why you are not like them, they’ll try to make you feel guilty for not doing something and will nag to you about it.
  • The Sinners By Night. I love music and I can’t stop listening to it, some people would consider music to be a sin so they would stop listening to it during daytime when they are fasting then listen by night. Are you ashamed that people would know you listen to music ? I don’t understand that logic honestly.

Anyway these are the type of people I can think of at the moment, pretty sure there’s a long list of that so let me know in the comments if you want to add anything.

I hope you are having a great day and have a blessed Ramadan, Thank you for reading.

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But I Like Being Alone …

I’ve had this heated debate with a coworker about this so I decided to post it on my blog and see what you readers would think about this.

I personally think that having an alone time to spend with yourself is good for your mental health so sometimes I would disconnect from the world and have some peace and quiet thinking alone. I don’t really need someone to be there for me, I don’t need someone to help me if I had some issue unless it’s a big deal obviously but I’m okay with it, I just like my personal space. It’s not like I don’t trust my friends or anything, maybe because I’m an introvert but I think it’s completely fine when someone just wants to be alone. 

Now the other side of this argument as the coworker was saying that it’s wrong and you should be there for that person who just asked you to be alone and I would disagree with it to an extent because if I know the person is just going through some personal problems they’ll either talk about it if they want to or keep it to themselves and deal with it on their own. I won’t be upset if a close person to me told me that they want their alone time because I’m not the kind of person who would pressure someone to talk to me.

Some people take this as an insult and a bit too personal like “Why aren’t you telling me what’s wrong, why don’t you trust me” I get that but I don’t mean it that way, I just like being alone sometimes … It’s quite simple really, not exactly complicated.

I would love to think what you think about it, do you agree or disagree ?

Thank you for reading and have a nice day.

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Being Friends With Your Ex

Can you be friends with your ex … NO.

At least my case I think so.

Some people are completely fine in staying friends with their exes but I’m from the other side who can’t because no matter how much I try to avoid getting hurt, I will eventually. Probably because I’m quite an emotional person, I fall apart into tears really easily. I used that ‘Skill‘ to my advantage whenever I want to write a free verse poem, I usually feel something and amplify it then write it.

I tried staying friends with an ex, feeding myself the excuses that ‘well, we are more mature now and we can keep this in control‘ like I said, excuses. You can’t really erase a feeling you had for a person you spent a great amount of time with, I noticed that in myself that I bury it deeply till I see that person and all the memories rush out without any control. One of the mistakes I did with my exes is associate a song with the person so after we broke up, I can’t listen to that song and keep skipping it even though I can just delete it but I don’t. One of the reasons I can’t be friends with my ex is that I know he knows me more than anyone and that makes me feel exposed against him so I choose to avoid him.

Recently I had some encounter with my ex which made me realize that it’s absolutely impossible for me to stay friends with him that I had to block him. I’m not really the kind of person to erase people out of my life by blocking, I actually think that’s quite immature but it felt required after what have been said and I think I’m okay with it.

The gist of this random post is … He’s an ex for a reason, no matter how hard you justify it and it’s really hard to control your feelings and emotions, and be just friends with that person. I would love to know your thoughts about this, can you be friends with an ex ?

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