My 2017 in One Post

yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah nothing happened.
Alright I’m rolling with this intro … 

2017 is wrapping up and I feel this year has passed by pretty fast. To sum it up, for me it was a year of self-discovery. I’ve had massive personality changes throughout this year as well, I guess it’s also called growing up.

Here’s a lesson I learned about marriage. First year it’ll be all lovey-dovey, romantic words and all the cheesy love you can possibly handle. Second year, it’ll be full of arguments and tears. Basically on the verge of splitting up because you’ve finally seen each other’s good and bad habits, this is where patience come in place. By the third year, this storm should’ve passed and now you know your spouse pretty well, his/her likes and dislikes and the habits.

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I’ve got into makeup more which is something completely surprising to people who knew me since I’ve always hated it.

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Aside from makeup, I’ve revived my old steam account and I got into gaming again. It feels so good to get back, I’ve been playing older games for quite some time.

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I’ll post more gaming content, that’s for sure. I was thinking to post about a free game I tried every month, should be fun to try different games that are not normally within my usual choice range. My greatest achievement in 2017 was creating a radio show and airing it for three months now. It was definitely a huge step for me out of my comfort zone, I feel very proud that I did it.

Speaking of change, I decided to go back to my original hair color which is dark brown -almost black, it’s been nearly 3 years since I’ve seen my real hair color as I stayed blonde during these years. I also removed some of my piercings and kept my ears looking more simple and less … gothic ? I feel like I’m ready to change myself and return back to the roots when life was less hectic.

change is good

Happy new year everyone ❤

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Parenting Differences

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Differences in parenting methods between couples usually starts from the beginning when you two start choosing names for the baby and I remember how much me and my husband argued over the name of our baby. We choose not to know the sex of the baby and keep it as a surprise till I give birth so we chose two names but it took us months to agree on the names. My choice of names were more modern and rare to be an Arab name, I wanted to name my child Miral if I had a daughter but my husband was so against it since it’s not pure Arabic name, it’s more Turkish than Arab actually and it means little princess as well so it was a cute name. After agreeing on two names which were Abdullah if we had a son or Maizoon if we had a daughter, I was secretly hoping I would have a son since Abdullah is a timeless name while Maizoon was really old and I didn’t like it that much, I only agreed because I just wanted to stop arguing about that.

Now after passing that stage, I thought the only parenting differences I’ll face will be with other people like family members who loves to shove advises to my face but it turned out I have different views with my husband as well. I think it stems from how we were raised, his ways of parenting is slightly different than mine and like the name argument, it sparked a new one. As a mother, I feel I have to be the one to set all these parenting rules but it also sound selfish of me to do that since he’s a father as well and of course he wants what’s best for our son.  So I chose to be optimistic and accept my husband’s parenting methods and if I disagree for some reason, we talk about it and try to find a middle ground between us. It’s something I learned from my first year of marriage, we both can argue and have our disagreements but in the end no one is wrong or right we just have different opinions and we like it to voice is out like we are right.

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The Motherhood Rant

It’s been awhile since I wrote a proper rant post and since I’m already in my rage mode because one of my co-workers decided to stop talking to me for nearly 3 weeks now for no apparent reason, I’m the kind of person who has quick temper so I’m seriously tempted to throw a stapler to her face just so I give her a reason to stop talking to me like she’s doing now … b*!%$. Anyway so I’ve been thinking about writing this post for awhile of some things people say regarding motherhood that irritates me.

Moms don’t have time to take care of themselves

I’ve always disagreed with this statement, being a mother is exhausting and tiring true but we mothers need an alone time. It’s all about time management, have an hour or two just for yourself to do whatever you want for yourself. Whatever we choose to do in this alone time is our choice, whether I want to take care of myself or just sleep because being sleep deprived is a bonus trait comes with motherhood. Also taking care of ourselves doesn’t necessary mean beautifying alone, it also mean drinking enough water in a day or not forgetting to eat since we are hectic and all over the place from kids.

And let me end my point with this statement, in Arab countries men think we take care of ourselves for them. No, we do it for ourselves not for husbands or guys in general so stop assuming that if I had a new haircut or decided to wear makeup that day just to impress my husband.

Don’t think about your figure since you are a mother now

No no no, I will forever care about my figure. Those sagging sides and boobs will still make me feel insecure about myself. It’s not easy to ignore these imperfections in our bodies and be one of the people who preach body positive rants and pretend to not care, at least for me I think.

I hate it when ladies say “Oh you had your first child you’ll go down hill from now on so no need to bother yourself in trying to lose weight or getting back your former glory body” I honestly can’t just stop bothering in trying to regain my old body, I know I can’t return super skinny or have a model-like body but I can try to lose my baby weight for myself because I feel comfortable seeing my body that way.

Your marriage life will now be loveless

This statement that irritates me the most, I mean I get it babies take most of the time that couples don’t have time to be together as much but it doesn’t mean the feelings between those two will all the sudden fade just because of a baby. Like I said in my first point, it’s all about time management. Couples should have a time to be together, try go on a date while leaving their children with a babysitter or even relatives if possible.

There’re too many ways to show affection, even by talking on bed before sleeping is therapeutic by it’s own. Cuddling from time to time while the baby is sleeping doesn’t take that much time as well so why assume couples all the sudden fall out of love just because they have babies now ?

Okay now that I’ve vented out my thoughts I’ll continue imagining throwing the stapler to my coworkers’s face, I’ll probably throw the printer just in case I missed.

Surviving First Year of Marriage

The forever fight over the blanket whenever you two want to sleep. The bad habits you both have to tolerate with each other. First year of marriage doesn’t go smoothly as your imagination may play in your head, it can start bumpy and will require quite an amount of patience. This post may be a bit oriented to the Muslim community but hopefully somethings would be relatable for newly weds.

I got married on 19th of December 2014 to relative of mine, he is older than me by eight years which made me think much about it. I had my doubts and fears that maybe we aren’t compatible and I should call the whole thing off but part of me wanted to go through this. Most of my fears were residing around our age, and the most recurring question “What if he couldn’t understand me because I’m younger than him ?”

Growing up in a Muslim community, you were probably brought up with the idea that we shouldn’t talk to the opposite sex for some reason and how wrong it was. Of course I don’t agree on that idea because when you do get married it’s like throwing you into water when you don’t know how to swim. All the sudden you would be living with a total stranger and you don’t know how to interact with this person, you don’t know his/her personality or likes and dislikes. While you repeatedly may hear the older family members saying “Love comes after marriage” and I agree with that part but not fully, the way I see it during the engagement it’s all hearts and flowers kind of love but understanding the true love is when you spend more time with this person, seeing the worst part of this person and still be there for them. That’s why I always encourage ladies who are about to get married to keep the engagement period longer so she can get to know this person more and know for sure that she wants to spend the rest of her life with.

First year of marriage is when you really get to know the person you agreed to spend your whole life with. This person would get to see your bare face without makeup, she’ll get to see your true manners at home, he’ll get to see your insecurities and imperfections. Of course the first year is also when disagreements and conflict of opinions starts to show, and arguments would occur from time to time but that’s completely normal because each person has his/her own opinion and you should respect that. Instead of hitting walls of disagreements with no result, always try to find a middle ground between you two.

Let me share few things I learned during my first year of marriage:

  • There’s no winner in an argument. Arguments happen when opinions conflict with each other, and by this stage neither would be right or wrong because it’s only opinions each person wants to voice out.
  • Experience what your partner enjoys. Whether it’s a restaurant, music or even a tv show, try to experience it with your partner because you’ll show them you care about their likes and dislikes and who knows you might like it.
  • Honesty is the key to a healthy relationship. You might’ve read this everywhere on tumblr or twitter but I can assure you, it’s  vital aspect in every relationship. Never hide something because you feel it’s going to hurt them.
  • Try to include their opinion in a decision. When you’re about to make a decision, make sure you ask for their opinion to make them feel included.
  • Don’t force them to change just because you don’t like something about them. Change happens from within a person not forced, if you don’t like a certain habit about them you can talk it out instead of forcing them to change for you.
  • Love doesn’t always mean hugs and kisses. Love takes many forms not through showing affection only, can be simple words showing care or even an advise. Later on, saying I love you would be the same as looking in the person’s eyes and just understand it without saying it.
  • Don’t expect them to be your everything. What I mean by that is your partner shouldn’t be your finance adviser, your therapist, your burden bin to be exact. If you complain too much, they’ll get bored and annoyed by you.
  • Don’t let his/her personality over-shadows yours. Living with a person for awhile may grow some habits in you as your partner but don’t reach a point where your personality is shaping to be like that person, your personality is who you are and in my opinion couples should build each other to the best not wipe the whole character and rewrite it.
  • Gifts are nice from time to time. Who wouldn’t like a simple gift ? Giving each other gifts makes you both appreciative of each other, and when you get them something they like would mean you actually care and listen to this person.
  • Have a ‘me time’. It’s okay to have a separate time away from each other, it helps a lot in fact.
  • Go on dates every week. Make a day solely for your partner and spend it together as a date or even just walking around the neighborhood.

I’m sure there’re plenty of other points I should mention but these are my major lessons I learned during my first year of marriage. How did you survive your first year of marriage ?

Arab Husband Stereotype Guide

I’ve been married for a year and few months now and I don’t consider myself an expert but based on what I noticed and heard from other ladies, Arab men are alot more harder to deal with. I know the common saying that women are complicated but I can say it’s the complete opposite and here’s why:

  • Don’t expect anything romantic after getting married.
    So he swoon you with sweet words and stayed all night talking on the phone during the engagement phase, and you just love to brag to all of your friends that he’s so romantic and treats you like a queen. Well that’s gonna end so fast when you get married and move in together, you’ll slowly realize how a different person he is after seeing all other sides of him.
  • Giving a cold attitude is considered manly.
    For some reason Arab men think they are manly and tough when they don’t show any emotion and just be cold. I don’t understand how that equals manly to be honest.
  • Will try to control you.
    He’ll try to control you like it’s his main task in life, will try to control what you wear, how to walk, how you wear your hijab if you wear one, how you talk with other men, which outfit to wear when you go out, how you’ll cover up and who you hang out with.
  • Will share your interests only during engagement period.
    Like I mentioned in the first point, he’ll share your interests and be romantic only during engagement just to show you he’s interesting in knowing you then later totally go opposite way.
  • Going out shopping groceries is considered a date.
    My idea of a date is a romantic dinner in a fancy place where both can enjoy themselves and forget all life problems, but no if you say you want to go out he’ll take you grocery shopping if you didn’t specify what do you mean by out.
  • Watching football with him is boring but at least you are sitting together.
    Sometimes you’ll get frustrated that you two don’t sit together as before so you’ll find yourself watching football with him just for the company and take a chance of a small talk between goal replays and half time.
  • He’ll flirt with you on rare unexpected moments.
    So you gave up on hearing anything sweet now that you two are married but he’ll surprise you with few flirt lines on such odd moments that it’ll make you freeze in place questioning his sanity.
  • Doesn’t bother wearing a wedding ring.
    Us women get so happy that we are married and so we wear our wedding ring as a trophy to brag with while men will just wear it in the first months then doesn’t bother wearing it ever again.
  • Will expect you to cook.
    The forever stereotype of a wife will haunt you as he’ll expect you to cook for him because women should do that.
  • Dropping hints won’t make him understand what you mean.
    If you want to say something indirectly to him expecting him to understand your hints is a lost cause, I don’t know if he is naturally dense or acting stupid.
  • Gets super moody when hungry or sleepy.
    Beware of men period if he didn’t sleep well at night or he is hungry, he’ll go on full rude attitude the whole day.
  • Hates hearing you complain but it’s okay for him to do that.
    He can’t handle hearing you complain, sometimes he’ll just say it to your face “don’t hurt my head” but when he wants to complain, you gotta listen to him from the beginning to the end.
  • Will ask for your opinion just to allow you to say it but chooses his opinion otherwise.
    He’ll ask you what do think about something just to say “well I asked your opinion” but in the end he’ll still stay on his opinion because he’s always right.
  • You’ll remind him of things while he acts he didn’t forget.
    He hates being wrong so if you remind him of something he forgot, he’ll act like he didn’t forget but only asking you to make sure.
  • You’ll name him Love or Sweetheart on your phone while your name will be just literally your name in his phone and in some cases “the mother of (your child name)”.
    I’m not even gonna explain this, it’s depressing as it is.
  • Will comment on your appearance as a joke.
    Most of us women has insecurities regarding our looks basically our bodies, men however likes to point it out as a joke and makes you think about it more than you should.
  • When you say “I love you” he’ll reply okay.
    Probably feels too proud to actually reply to you but deep inside you know he loves you without even saying it.
  • Fighting over the blanket will become a routine.
    The epic battle of who takes most of the blanket will become a routine with a winner each night.
  • Hates talking about work so don’t ask “how was your day?”.
    He absolutely hates talking about work unless he opens up to you which happens rarely.
  • Won’t ask you to teach him something if he needs help.
    Again with the manly pride, he doesn’t need anyone’s help because he knows everything.
  • It’s okay for him to stay late but if you are still out by 10:30 he’ll turn into your parents and call you like you are on curfew.
    Because he’s a man, it’s completely fine for him to come home late but if you were late, he’ll call you like he became your parents and you’re a teenager again.

Please don’t take this too seriously, I’ve wrote it for humor mainly. I would love to know what do you think.

Can’t Pause

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Following up my first post about being lonely as a new mother which was hard to confess, there’re few other confessions I would hide because I’m supposed to be happy and I’m supposed to be fine with all these changes. The word “Supposed” is stressful by itself because we hide so many emotions and feelings thinking motherhood is so beautiful and we have to be perfect mothers.

I admit I started to feel extra anxious and more stressed by just thinking and my husband would say I’m over-thinking that’s why my hair is falling. I’m stressed by various things not only regarding my baby even my life in general. I’m blessed with a quiet baby who doesn’t cry that much so that doesn’t stress me as much, yet when I sit with him too much I need some time off and just breath for awhile.

I’m stressed over my body shape, it makes me feel self conscious and insecure in general. I know that I’ll lose the baby weight with time and I have to be patient but I miss wearing something and feel confident about myself. They also say I should trust my instincts and I would naturally know what to do because I’m a mother but I’m scared of that as well, I don’t know if what I’m doing is right or wrong.

One of the things I’m really scared to confess would be my marriage life being on a confusing state. Females are known in general to be the fixers in a relationship, I know nothings is wrong in my marriage life but I’ll be stressed over having less time talking to my husband in things else than the baby, just try to be close to him even by just hugs but I feel lacking in that zone. Like a baby I would want someone just to take care of me because I’m exhausted mentally and physcially, no one would understand this feeling obviously so I don’t talk about it to anyone.

What stresses you currently face ?