Valentine, Henna and Weddings

I should’ve probably wished for 2017 to be more drama-free because my-god how the drama waves are hitting me since this year started. Can I just have my drama-free life subscription renewed? Because I’m really not liking this year already.

So Valentine’s day passed by, I hope you enjoyed it anyway whether you like celebrating it alone or with a person. My case? My husband really hate such occasions since he doesn’t like labeling days and dates, he enjoys giving gifts on any random day unlike me who gets so invested in such celebrations. I gave my husband an eternal rose, you probably would imagine Beauty and The Beast rose because I originally wanted it to be that way but couldn’t find a similar glass case.

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My husband loves roses but hates to see them welt and die so I thought of giving him a rose that never really dies and I chose the rainbow one because he likes roses in all colors.

We had two weddings to attend to and they were happening two days in a row which made my life more hectic that I had to take few days off from work and try to finish wedding preparations shopping while spending time with my son because I hate being the kinda mother who doesn’t have time for her own kids.

Personally I hate henna but it’s somehow considered a tradition for Arab celebrations like Eid or weddings, so I was somewhat forced to do it … Not gonna lie I liked it but I hate the smell.

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Sorry for the lack of posts recently, I’ve been dealing with a lot of unnecessary drama and every time I finish from one another one pops into the mix. It’s been stressful to the point that I had to stay at my family house till things settle down and I’m fearing things would get awkward with certain people.

Glossybox and Inkbox reviews will be up soon by next week hopefully.

Hope you’re having a better day than I am, thank you for reading.

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Being Friends With Your Ex

Can you be friends with your ex … NO.

At least my case I think so.

Some people are completely fine in staying friends with their exes but I’m from the other side who can’t because no matter how much I try to avoid getting hurt, I will eventually. Probably because I’m quite an emotional person, I fall apart into tears really easily. I used that ‘Skill‘ to my advantage whenever I want to write a free verse poem, I usually feel something and amplify it then write it.

I tried staying friends with an ex, feeding myself the excuses that ‘well, we are more mature now and we can keep this in control‘ like I said, excuses. You can’t really erase a feeling you had for a person you spent a great amount of time with, I noticed that in myself that I bury it deeply till I see that person and all the memories rush out without any control. One of the mistakes I did with my exes is associate a song with the person so after we broke up, I can’t listen to that song and keep skipping it even though I can just delete it but I don’t. One of the reasons I can’t be friends with my ex is that I know he knows me more than anyone and that makes me feel exposed against him so I choose to avoid him.

Recently I had some encounter with my ex which made me realize that it’s absolutely impossible for me to stay friends with him that I had to block him. I’m not really the kind of person to erase people out of my life by blocking, I actually think that’s quite immature but it felt required after what have been said and I think I’m okay with it.

The gist of this random post is … He’s an ex for a reason, no matter how hard you justify it and it’s really hard to control your feelings and emotions, and be just friends with that person. I would love to know your thoughts about this, can you be friends with an ex ?

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27 Lessons

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Yesterday was my birthday, honestly sometimes I forget how old am I really. Here’s an embarrassing confession, I sometimes use a calculator to remind myself what’s my age that year. So I’m 27, I would say that I feel quite old but I think compared to my glory early 20s I’m definitely much wiser. That’s why I decided to write 27 lessons I learned during my 27 years on this earth.

  1. You bring your own happiness and sadness. It’s something I learned from my husband, your life is shaped by your own choices and will, so if you want to be happy you’ll find a way to happiness even if life hits you sometimes.
  2. Love isn’t the only thing that function a relationship. I feel I was naive before in the past relationships I had, thinking that love is the most important component in a relationship but it’s not, there’s much more than that.
  3. Hypocrites will forever be around you. They are always around, some are even related to you.
  4. Real friends will talk shit about you .. in front of you not behind you.
  5. Sometimes you got to take a leap of faith when you are confused about your life. At some point, you’ll question everything in your life, like you are going through a mid-life crisis. You just need to go with the flow and take a leap of faith.
  6. You are never too old to do something you like. Age doesn’t define how you should live your life.
  7. Me time is a must. Sometimes you just need to stop time and breath, this is why I think me time is important.
  8. Siblings are the best friends you’ll ever have. We fight, we laugh, we cry, siblings will always be your best friend.
  9. Making friendships after school are almost impossible. I don’t know why but for some reason I stopped trying to befriend some people and just keep them as acquaintances.
  10. What you studied in college/university, doesn’t always end up to be your job. I know it’s hard hearing how you wasted 4 years of your life studying a major and then ending up working on something totally unrelated to that but it happens.
  11. Your grades don’t define how successful you are. I really hate when some people go on a rant that they got straight A’s and they deserve better jobs because of that. Life doesn’t care about your grades … just saying.
  12. Being a parent will change your life. I didn’t really notice this but a lot of people I know are telling me that I’ve changed so much since I became a mother.
  13. Spending money at the beginning of the month and then being broke in the last two weeks. Going to a fancy restaurant with fresh salary in your account then noodles two weeks later.
  14. Keep your life away from social media. With everyone wired to the internet, everyone likes to show off what they are wearing, what they are eating, who are they dating, gifts they received, stuff they bought and I honestly don’t like that. I mean your personal life should be private not for any stranger to start observing.
  15. It’s okay to cry every once in a while. Life gets hard sometimes and believe me crying helps.
  16. Cut off negative people from your life. They depress you and ruin your mood so why keep them in your life ?
  17. At some part of your life, you’ll deal with bullies. I feel like bullies are a special chapter in anyone’s life, you can either learn to deal with them or let it affect the rest of your life.
  18. Love yourself before trying to make someone love you. We compare ourselves to others way too much, we need to realize that we are good enough even if we think we are not.
  19. You’ll understand your parents when you are older. I’ve always thought my parents were hard on me at some points of my life and maybe even hated me but as I grew up I understood what they were thinking when they punished me or treated me in a certain way.
  20. Spoil yourself sometimes. I go with the motto “This makes me happy and deserve to be happy therefore I’m going to buy it”
  21. Go out of your comfort zone. Stepping out of your safe zone to try something totally out of character can help you realize new traits you had but never knew before.
  22. People will use you. People are users, it’s a universal fact and you can’t really avoid them because they sometimes take a form of a friend.
  23. Haters will always be below you. As you progress in life, you’ll have few haters but they are always below you and from what I’ve experienced so far, they are always jealous of you even if they don’t admit it.
  24. Weekends pass in a blink of an eye. It’s depressing but … Weekend slow down please ?
  25. Searching viral trends meaning on urban dictionary. I don’t want to say I feel old but sometimes I have to search what certain terms I read online mean.
  26. Forgetting people’s names. I can’t believe I keep forgetting people names whom I knew few years back
  27. Always be thankful. 

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Surviving First Year of Marriage

The forever fight over the blanket whenever you two want to sleep. The bad habits you both have to tolerate with each other. First year of marriage doesn’t go smoothly as your imagination may play in your head, it can start bumpy and will require quite an amount of patience. This post may be a bit oriented to the Muslim community but hopefully somethings would be relatable for newly weds.

I got married on 19th of December 2014 to relative of mine, he is older than me by eight years which made me think much about it. I had my doubts and fears that maybe we aren’t compatible and I should call the whole thing off but part of me wanted to go through this. Most of my fears were residing around our age, and the most recurring question “What if he couldn’t understand me because I’m younger than him ?”

Growing up in a Muslim community, you were probably brought up with the idea that we shouldn’t talk to the opposite sex for some reason and how wrong it was. Of course I don’t agree on that idea because when you do get married it’s like throwing you into water when you don’t know how to swim. All the sudden you would be living with a total stranger and you don’t know how to interact with this person, you don’t know his/her personality or likes and dislikes. While you repeatedly may hear the older family members saying “Love comes after marriage” and I agree with that part but not fully, the way I see it during the engagement it’s all hearts and flowers kind of love but understanding the true love is when you spend more time with this person, seeing the worst part of this person and still be there for them. That’s why I always encourage ladies who are about to get married to keep the engagement period longer so she can get to know this person more and know for sure that she wants to spend the rest of her life with.

First year of marriage is when you really get to know the person you agreed to spend your whole life with. This person would get to see your bare face without makeup, she’ll get to see your true manners at home, he’ll get to see your insecurities and imperfections. Of course the first year is also when disagreements and conflict of opinions starts to show, and arguments would occur from time to time but that’s completely normal because each person has his/her own opinion and you should respect that. Instead of hitting walls of disagreements with no result, always try to find a middle ground between you two.

Let me share few things I learned during my first year of marriage:

  • There’s no winner in an argument. Arguments happen when opinions conflict with each other, and by this stage neither would be right or wrong because it’s only opinions each person wants to voice out.
  • Experience what your partner enjoys. Whether it’s a restaurant, music or even a tv show, try to experience it with your partner because you’ll show them you care about their likes and dislikes and who knows you might like it.
  • Honesty is the key to a healthy relationship. You might’ve read this everywhere on tumblr or twitter but I can assure you, it’s  vital aspect in every relationship. Never hide something because you feel it’s going to hurt them.
  • Try to include their opinion in a decision. When you’re about to make a decision, make sure you ask for their opinion to make them feel included.
  • Don’t force them to change just because you don’t like something about them. Change happens from within a person not forced, if you don’t like a certain habit about them you can talk it out instead of forcing them to change for you.
  • Love doesn’t always mean hugs and kisses. Love takes many forms not through showing affection only, can be simple words showing care or even an advise. Later on, saying I love you would be the same as looking in the person’s eyes and just understand it without saying it.
  • Don’t expect them to be your everything. What I mean by that is your partner shouldn’t be your finance adviser, your therapist, your burden bin to be exact. If you complain too much, they’ll get bored and annoyed by you.
  • Don’t let his/her personality over-shadows yours. Living with a person for awhile may grow some habits in you as your partner but don’t reach a point where your personality is shaping to be like that person, your personality is who you are and in my opinion couples should build each other to the best not wipe the whole character and rewrite it.
  • Gifts are nice from time to time. Who wouldn’t like a simple gift ? Giving each other gifts makes you both appreciative of each other, and when you get them something they like would mean you actually care and listen to this person.
  • Have a ‘me time’. It’s okay to have a separate time away from each other, it helps a lot in fact.
  • Go on dates every week. Make a day solely for your partner and spend it together as a date or even just walking around the neighborhood.

I’m sure there’re plenty of other points I should mention but these are my major lessons I learned during my first year of marriage. How did you survive your first year of marriage ?

Arab Husband Stereotype Guide

I’ve been married for a year and few months now and I don’t consider myself an expert but based on what I noticed and heard from other ladies, Arab men are alot more harder to deal with. I know the common saying that women are complicated but I can say it’s the complete opposite and here’s why:

  • Don’t expect anything romantic after getting married.
    So he swoon you with sweet words and stayed all night talking on the phone during the engagement phase, and you just love to brag to all of your friends that he’s so romantic and treats you like a queen. Well that’s gonna end so fast when you get married and move in together, you’ll slowly realize how a different person he is after seeing all other sides of him.
  • Giving a cold attitude is considered manly.
    For some reason Arab men think they are manly and tough when they don’t show any emotion and just be cold. I don’t understand how that equals manly to be honest.
  • Will try to control you.
    He’ll try to control you like it’s his main task in life, will try to control what you wear, how to walk, how you wear your hijab if you wear one, how you talk with other men, which outfit to wear when you go out, how you’ll cover up and who you hang out with.
  • Will share your interests only during engagement period.
    Like I mentioned in the first point, he’ll share your interests and be romantic only during engagement just to show you he’s interesting in knowing you then later totally go opposite way.
  • Going out shopping groceries is considered a date.
    My idea of a date is a romantic dinner in a fancy place where both can enjoy themselves and forget all life problems, but no if you say you want to go out he’ll take you grocery shopping if you didn’t specify what do you mean by out.
  • Watching football with him is boring but at least you are sitting together.
    Sometimes you’ll get frustrated that you two don’t sit together as before so you’ll find yourself watching football with him just for the company and take a chance of a small talk between goal replays and half time.
  • He’ll flirt with you on rare unexpected moments.
    So you gave up on hearing anything sweet now that you two are married but he’ll surprise you with few flirt lines on such odd moments that it’ll make you freeze in place questioning his sanity.
  • Doesn’t bother wearing a wedding ring.
    Us women get so happy that we are married and so we wear our wedding ring as a trophy to brag with while men will just wear it in the first months then doesn’t bother wearing it ever again.
  • Will expect you to cook.
    The forever stereotype of a wife will haunt you as he’ll expect you to cook for him because women should do that.
  • Dropping hints won’t make him understand what you mean.
    If you want to say something indirectly to him expecting him to understand your hints is a lost cause, I don’t know if he is naturally dense or acting stupid.
  • Gets super moody when hungry or sleepy.
    Beware of men period if he didn’t sleep well at night or he is hungry, he’ll go on full rude attitude the whole day.
  • Hates hearing you complain but it’s okay for him to do that.
    He can’t handle hearing you complain, sometimes he’ll just say it to your face “don’t hurt my head” but when he wants to complain, you gotta listen to him from the beginning to the end.
  • Will ask for your opinion just to allow you to say it but chooses his opinion otherwise.
    He’ll ask you what do think about something just to say “well I asked your opinion” but in the end he’ll still stay on his opinion because he’s always right.
  • You’ll remind him of things while he acts he didn’t forget.
    He hates being wrong so if you remind him of something he forgot, he’ll act like he didn’t forget but only asking you to make sure.
  • You’ll name him Love or Sweetheart on your phone while your name will be just literally your name in his phone and in some cases “the mother of (your child name)”.
    I’m not even gonna explain this, it’s depressing as it is.
  • Will comment on your appearance as a joke.
    Most of us women has insecurities regarding our looks basically our bodies, men however likes to point it out as a joke and makes you think about it more than you should.
  • When you say “I love you” he’ll reply okay.
    Probably feels too proud to actually reply to you but deep inside you know he loves you without even saying it.
  • Fighting over the blanket will become a routine.
    The epic battle of who takes most of the blanket will become a routine with a winner each night.
  • Hates talking about work so don’t ask “how was your day?”.
    He absolutely hates talking about work unless he opens up to you which happens rarely.
  • Won’t ask you to teach him something if he needs help.
    Again with the manly pride, he doesn’t need anyone’s help because he knows everything.
  • It’s okay for him to stay late but if you are still out by 10:30 he’ll turn into your parents and call you like you are on curfew.
    Because he’s a man, it’s completely fine for him to come home late but if you were late, he’ll call you like he became your parents and you’re a teenager again.

Please don’t take this too seriously, I’ve wrote it for humor mainly. I would love to know what do you think.

Random Thoughts

In Marriage you realize that your significant other isn’t everything you expected, he/she won’t be your everything as all the songs and movies keeps telling us. In Arab countries, the ladies think that once you get married your life would be so amazing and wonderful. Some things I learned during my one year of marriage is that love can take different forms not only in showing affection with hugs and kisses, small things and details matter alot for example I would sleep upset because my husband got busy and had to work at night, in the morning I decide to act like I’m upset just to prove my point that I didn’t like it but I saw that he left a Subway cookie on the shelf for me because he knows I love them. Small things like that makes me feel loved without saying anything.

Marriage basically isn’t about your happiness and it’s quite selfish to think that way because it’s more of a companionship in thinking about your significant other rather than yourself, building each other to be a better person, sacrificing things you love just to make your partner happy. I remember being young and crazy, I was obsessed with my piercings like it’s my brag trophy and I tried multiple crazy hair colors because I felt happy doing so. I knew my husband didn’t like that as much as I did so I slowly gave up all that even if he repeated “I love you the way you are” because I wanted to make him happy and smile the moment he sees me.

Recently my hair has been falling way too much that I got scared I might go bald, the area above my temples each side has extremely thinned hair that my scalp is showing. I’m trying so hard not to let it effect me but it still stir few negative thoughts so I decided to change my look just to hide the thinned hair and feel good about myself. I had a haircut, chopping all of my hair to shoulder-length hair with layers just to add volume with dark ash blonde color and it actually made me feel good about myself.

Read this article for more ways to deal with postpartum hair loss

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Artworks by my sister Rudy

This weekend I decided to stay over with my family because I really missed them, I honestly feel more comfortable being with them than my in laws. My son is growing more easily excited and for the first time yesterday he laughed out loud which was such a delight to hear, also he’s trying to roll over.

I wrote a poem yesterday if anyone is interested (check here my other WordPress)