Things I Wish I Can Tell My Mom

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I recently came across a spoken word poetry by Sabrina Benaim called Explaining My Depression to My Mother and it inspired me to write this post. It’s hard confessing feelings and emotions to someone close but in my case … My mother. I don’t want to be like my mom, I’m not her and I’m not planning to be. I want to be different, I don’t want to raise my children same way I was raised. It sounds bad as I’m typing this but I don’t agree with some parenting ways my mother used on me and my siblings, and that’s okay because I don’t think we are wired to grow up exactly like our parents.

Mom doesn’t believe in depression and anxiety, or most of the mental health issues. She believes its related to religion, if you are close to god then you won’t be depressed and I don’t agree with that. I don’t blame her, I mean they’ve been raised this way and their era has been nurturing such closed mind mentality. When I was going through postpartum depression, I didn’t talk about it with my family but more with my friends who has same mentality as me and understands these struggles.

I want to be as understanding as I wished my mother to be. I had a long super dark hair till I reached college because my mother didn’t allow me to dye or cut it, let alone just a small trim. I hated it because it was really hard to maintain, it was so long that it reached under my butt. I started trimming it on my own without telling her obviously but I did get caught few times until one day I chopped off all of my hair, and she gave me a look I’ll never forget, like she’s disappointed in me and it made me feel horrible. It didn’t really last long as I tried to make her understand that it’s who I am, I don’t like having dark long hair. She still gives me those looks whenever I dye my hair and repeats about how my hair was so beautiful and long, now it’s ruined and it’s too damaged.

God Knows how much I love my mother and I know I can’t live without her but I don’t want to be like her, I am who I am.

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10 thoughts on “Things I Wish I Can Tell My Mom

  1. Another post I can truly relate. I daresay my mom’s parenting is similar to yours. She is quite religious, and will link almost everything to God. Whenever I do something new, which, a bit contrary with what she usually tell me not to do, I have no choice but to face an outrage. I don’t want to be a parent just like her. I do feel terrible when I think of it. But instead of dwelling in deep trench of selflessness, I should stand up for myself! For what is right!

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s always the guilt that holds us back but we owe it to ourselves to be happy with our own choices because in the end this our life and we shape it with our decisions not our parents

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  2. Awesome post Rei. I have also felt like that. It’s true that we are not our parents and our choices and opinions truly matter. I agree with you completely and wish you all the best !! You are so brave in posting this and I appreciate your frankness my friend !!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Yeah i agree, that’s why I said i can’t blame her for thinking that way. I’m thankful for everything my parents did for me but i choose to be different, and i’m sure when my children grow up they would feel the same way somehow since times change

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I saw that video too, and felt it. it’s so hard to explain how it really is. Great post, we have to do what makes us happy and makes us feel like ourself.

    Liked by 1 person

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