I think it’s not exactly right to say that it’s been 9 months of me being a mother, it started way earlier than that, when I discovered I was pregnant so it’s been 18 months since I became a mother. I’m at a stage where I’m losing weight by running after him, I honestly didn’t know that babies can crawl that fast. He started clapping and that’s becoming my new alarm that I don’t want to turn off even if it comes with fountains of drool on my face everyday.
I recently read a post of a fellow blogger about Postpartum Anxiety and I can relate to it word by word. The feeling of someone needing you gives you a purpose in life, my child is growing and slowly learning to depend on himself is scary to me. Over thinking is something I suffer with from a long time and I know it grew more when I became a mother and I think it’s the reason I fell into the postpartum depression category. The hardest part about it is actually talking about it to someone because I had a horrible feeling that I’m a bad mother for thinking all these awful thoughts and in a way people think it’s going to pass that fast but it doesn’t. One of the things that irritates me that people can’t differentiate between depression as a mood and a mental disorder, saying “It’ll pass” or “You’re okay, you just think too much” isn’t going to help a depressed person.