life

Toxic Family Members

When someone says the word “Family” it normally would mean a group of close people whom you can feel safe, secure and be yourself around. They will always love you and be there for you no matter what, but that’s not always the case. When you are younger you are taught that since kindergarten and your innocence back then would make you believe that and as you grow older you’ll come to realize that even family members can betray, harass or even bully you.

When I was 16 I found out an ugly truth about certain relatives I have, to be more specific members from my father side whom were once upon a time really close to me .. or so I thought. I found out most rumors that can hurt you, always starts from the family circle then to grows from there. It was hard to believe it was my own relatives saying such things behind my back while smiling and pretending to care in front of my face. I want to say hypocrites but I’m far too nice and forgiving to do so but that incident made me cautious in trusting anyone, I narrowed my trusting circle and never thought of expanding it ever since.

I honestly couldn’t cut them off my life because I will keep seeing them whether I like it or not because in the end they are family, however I reduced my contact with them just so I would give them less reasons to talk about me behind my back but having social media such as Instagram is making it somewhat harder. They’ll watch you behind their phone screens and like teenage gossipy girls will gather on a group in WhatsApp titled “OMG did you see what she posted” You’re probably saying just block them from your social media, the only reason I’m not doing this is because I don’t want to give them the satisfaction that I lost and feel like I’ve done something wrong when I’m just living my life normally.

For some reason, they are more focused on what others are doing and talking about it, even regarding parenting methods as if their children are perfect and this is where I drew the red line. I’m not obliged to be nice and caring to a person who holds such feelings for me and my sisters, talking about us as if we are the worst people. Why is it shocking that a college dropout like me got a job? Why is it surprising that two of my sisters got a full sponsorship from universities in USA? Is it because we don’t flaunt our achievements like you do? Is it because we live in the capital city that we are not supposed to be open minded?

If you are shocked while reading this, yes it reached to that point that they talk about this. Of course they have to add a lovely backstory to make the whole issue blow up between them. My father told us, don’t be silent to these rumors and speak up but not based on what you heard from someone else because cowards will always talk about you behind your back instead of lashing out on them based on a he said/she said scenario. I wish their harassment was only targeting us but it was going on also on my mother for years but she always stayed nice to them as she keeps telling us to do that as well but honestly this agitated me more because my mother is someone really precious to me and I really want to release my rage on them that I had for years from their bullshit but she keeps telling me not to step to their level.

I wanted to post this rant-ish post for awhile now but didn’t know how to organize my thoughts about it and I’m pretty sure it’s still all over the place anyway. If you are harassed or bullied by family members, you can cut them from your life simply you don’t need such a negative person in your life when you are just being yourself. You are not obliged to care for that person who keeps wishing you ill will because in the end -even though I hate saying it- might be jealous from you that’s why they do all that.

Have you been dealing with such a family drama? How did you managed yourself?

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5 thoughts on “Toxic Family Members

  1. I dont have a close bond with anyone in my family at all and they dont care about what i do or my achievements so i have just repressed any feelings towards them to cope. It sucks when family stabs you in the back.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. yeah i agree, it just kills me that I still have to smile and pretend everything is ok everytime i meet one of them on family gathering days

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      1. Thats the worst.. ive stopped attending them and luckily they havent said anything to me.. but im sure they talk trash about me during them

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      2. they say it means “you’re doing so well in your life that you’re making them envy you by talking about you in a way to make you not worthy of your success”

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  2. Welcome to my family, im have the same issue with my family. Because my sisters and brothers achieve alot, they always tells rumors about us. Because we become family from nothing to something who each member has her own house her own career and have bachelor and masters in our hands. They used to tells bad words and know they are running behind us with kind words.

    So i don’t care about them and what they do because i know im the best of them all.

    Liked by 1 person

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