How does the perfect mother actually looks like? How does she feel? Does she still have time for herself? I keep getting haunted by these questions all the time, my confidence is shaken and I’m not sure of myself anymore.
One of the biggest problems new mothers usually face is when defending her parenting methods while trying to be confident that what she’s doing is right. Family members, friends or even complete strangers will continue giving you advises as you hold your irritated face with a fake smile and nod but even that will still make you question yourself “Is this good for my child?”. I’ve always repeated that I don’t want my child to grow up with his eyes glued to a device such as an iPad or a phone but when I leave him with my in laws, they keep him entertained by showing him videos or games on the iPad and now he tries to hold any device with a radiating screen. The problem is they see it as ‘cute’ and no one would stop this even if I said I didn’t like it.
When you are a new mother, people tend to think you don’t know anything about taking care of your baby so they interfere in everything you do, and when you don’t do what they say, they’ll take it as an insult and get offended by this for some reason. I’ve been stressed out because of this while I’m still repeating to myself “I want to be a good mother”. Even when I don’t want to, I always compare my child to others, for example my cousin had her son before me by 10 days and she keeps bragging on snapchat or just talking to me on what her child can do. Her ways of parenting would be different than mine as she stopped breastfeeding her child since he was two months old while I’m still doing it, but my child grew teeth before her child and now she’s the one who keep comparing her child and getting worried.
I don’t want to be perfect because I learn from my mistakes so I’ll settle for being good, it’s not that hard or stressful the more I think about it. Here’s my list of the recipe in being a good mother:
- Always be confident of your parenting ways
- Love your child more than anyone else
- Learn to meditate even in a noise space
- Try to go over your limit without needing a break
- Admit when you need help
- Put your needs last and your child first
- Understand your child needs from his/her behavior
- Calm yourself down
If you think you did even one of these points I mentioned, you’re already a great mother. Don’t stress yourself in being perfect because you already endured the greatest pain of all, no one can understand what you went through.