On a normal day at work, I got a call from an employee in the engineering department needing some assistance in his machine. I work in the IT department so I get calls like these everyday, I’m either in the help desk or computer maintenance section. This employee needed to connect the audio from his computer to a TV so I helped him through this process and it worked. I get by my day normally like any day but this employee returned to my office and started asking me if we provide graphic cards and such, for some reason this stirred up a one hour conversation in my office of things not even related about work and our workplace in general. The conversation varied from life, work, interests and even college life, and I couldn’t stop him because I’m afraid he would say I’m rude. I don’t understand how it ended up with him adding me on Instagram then direct messaging me things for example funny videos and such. This is when I realized, I’m too nice. I’m not exactly a narrow minded type of Arab who consider talking to the opposite sex is wrong, not at all. I don’t mind it if it’s within the work environment because this is what we are ‘coworkers’ and it shouldn’t go to a point where it gets too friendly. I think of it this way what if my husband had this situation in his workplace, am I fine knowing a lady got too friendly with my husband same way this guy did ?
This is not the first time I get in this kind of situation, people tend to get comfortable with me and I have no idea why, that they open up about their personal life easily. It feels like a burden at times that I know all these secrets of personal lives not anyone should know whether I’m actually close to this person or not. I remember in college, some lady waiting for her class to start in the student lounge and I happened to be in the same table as her, I was just sitting there reading a book minding my own business. A small talk somehow ended up by her opening up to me about her love life asking me (a total stranger) on a love advice, she’s in love with her secret boyfriend but a relative of hers purposed to her. Keep in mind that relationships are a bit forbidden in some Arab countries and it’s risky to tell anyone about a relationship you have with a guy because if your family knew about this you might get severely punished. I think about it now, how did she feel so comfortable with me to share these secrets with me.
Being too nice is more of a bad thing than a good thing in this current era because to the opposite sex I would seem too friendly and approachable. How do I politely mention that I’m not exactly single without sounding like I’m jumping to conclusions that he’s interested for example, because I honestly hate feeling that I’m leading on a person when I’m not even trying to. Part of me thinks that saying ‘no’ to a person can be perceived as being rude and I instantly say this person might consider me being a bitch now. I also had this problem where I agree to whatever a person says just because I wanted to be nice and not make the person feel embarrassed to tell me his/her interests. There’s a level of “being too nice” where you would be considered a person without a character and be that naive person who everyone can abuse. I’m trying to build up my voice to say my own opinion whether I disagree or agree in whatever the other person would be talking about, and not be afraid being considered rude for it because it shouldn’t make me feel that way.