I was thinking about this ever since I gave birth, was I forced to change who I was just because I became a mother ?
When you are single, you live your life the way you wanted it however your personality was shaped. The moment you enter a relationship you tell your partner ‘this is who I am and I don’t want to change if you don’t like something about me’ because in the end this is your comfort zone and you got used to it, but slowly without even noticing you realize you have been changing as you grow close to that person and sometimes you pick few of their habits as it becomes your own.
The moment I became a mother, I stopped focusing on myself and just had all my attention on my baby, I fell into the new mother’s trap which is staying home alone with the baby and it made me miserable to be honest. We have this thought in our mind that a mother should always be with her children and for some reason we think leaving our child with someone else like a relative or a close friend is like giving them a burden. I didn’t want to go out with friends mainly because I can’t trust anyone with my baby.
I live with my in-laws which is quite common in Arab community but it actually makes me really uncomfortable about my own privacy in the house. I get passive aggressive whenever I hear any comment regarding my son from them, I get absolutely offended and I have no idea why it irritates me. I usually leave my son with my husband since he goes to work a little later than me, then he leaves him with my sister in law as he goes to work. The thing is, I taught her how to take care of him the way I’m comfortable with but for some reason she does something different because she asked her sister and I really get irritated by that, also whenever my mother in law holds him she loves to ask this question ‘Did you use perfume on his clothes ?’ it’s like an insult for me to hear this, does he smell that bad ? no ? Then why would you say that ? It gets more irritating that they instantly tell my sister in law who’s a mother of 3 boys because she has experience with motherhood but it makes me feel offended that it’s like I’m not his mother. I honestly stayed silent because I don’t want them to feel that I’m being ungrateful and just being a crazy obsessive mother.
Recently I started telling them I don’t like it when you do this and that, they took it well I think. I mean I don’t want to follow the parental advises I get from them because this is my son and I’m gonna do it my way even if they don’t like it, I respect them but I don’t want to do it their way. So in a way I did develop a personality as a mother which is not exactly forced but I chose to be this way because I don’t want to seem weak and just follow whatever others say.
One of the things I hate hearing are from my own friends saying I shouldn’t change just because I’m being a mother, I get it we all like that kinda free life but having a child is a big deal and I’m not exactly changing to the point where I would be considered boring. I had almost 8 piercings on my both ears and after I gave birth, I gave up on 3 of them tragus, helix and a lobe piercing, so because of that I had an awkward conversation about this with one of my friends who thinks I shouldn’t have done that but I only did it because I imagined if I had a girl instead and she saw my piercings and wanted that, i know my mother didn’t like it when I had all these piercings so I’m not sure if I’ll agree to that just yet.
I did change because I wanted to so I can adapt for this huge change in my life, I mean I have a child it has big responsibilities.
No I won’t stop dressing up nicely
No I won’t stop playing videogames
No I won’t stop hanging out with friends
No I won’t stop enjoying my life
The new me is only an added part to who I am, and it requires few changes in any one’s life if they embark the journey of motherhood.